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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Fear at root of negative behavior (posted on Michael Toebe's website blog at:  www.behaviorandrelationships.com

What is at the core of our decisions to act in counterproductive ways?

Is it just a instinctual reactionary moment? Is it a prolonged, unresolved bad attitude?

Laurie Pappas says, plain and simple, it's bad behavior driven by fear.

Pappas, a counselor and life coach in Franklin, Mich. and co-founder of the of the Metro Detroit Center for Attitudinal Healing at Loving Heart, says in her book The Loving Heart: Navigating the Journey from Conflict to Peace that to bring more love and its' benefits into our lives we need to manage or cut out fear. If we fail or refuse to do such, well...I let her tell you the rest.

Laurie Pappas
We, as human beings, either exist in a state of fear or a state of love.  

Fear underlies every negative emotion you can think of.  Our natural state is one that of love or everything positive. 

Aspects of fear might be frustration, anger, rage, anxiety, disappointment etc.  

When a person is experiencing any negative emotion, if we look hard enough, we will find fear of something - fear of success, failure, being alone, having enough money, not being good enough, death, etc.  

If someone is exhibiting anger or apathy or disappointment, any of these fears or others will be present underneath. 

One reason someone might manifest anger instead of the real fear underneath is because it is too uncomfortable to look at the real fear.  So they choose a less uncomfortable emotion.

Loving is something that we all want - to love and be loved; to feel connected, which is what love does.  It is our natural essence and the only reason that we don't experience it at all times is that it is covered up by the many fears we have as human beings.  So by acknowledging, expressing, and healing our fears, we can access that "love" quality deep inside.  

By healing fears we come to perceive our world, ourselves and each other differently; those ‘ah ha’ moments that resonate deeply inside of all of us and bring us greater wisdom about who we are and what we're all about.  If our natural state of being were not blocked by fear, we would all be reaching out to each other, supporting one another, helping each other to help the world.  

Adversity is an incredible opportunity to learn - to go inside of ourselves and find greater truth. Many people, after having gone through something quite challenging, see everything differently - often in a wiser, kinder more compassionate way.  
For example, if someone has never been gravely ill, they may not be able to relate to someone who is care for them in an effective way.  However, after a grave illness, someone can appreciate what that's like and is more willing to offer aid.

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